THE BEEKEEPER (2024)

The best thing about this movie: the moment when a crypto bro references Terence McKenna's self-transforming machine elves to his mother (the President of the United States)

Second best thing: someone uses "go join Space Force" as a derisive imperative

Everything else is pretty much undernourishing junk, ineptly shot and lifelessly choreographed, wasting the talents of some charismatic performers (Jeremy Irons, Minnie Driver, Statham himself). The plot is brain-deadeningly dumb, which isn't inherently a problem for a sadistic revenge brawler, except it's also unnecessarily convoluted, full of momentum-sapping talk and juiceless side plots. I would have much rather watched the version of this that my wife and I came up with after script-doctoring it on the couch for fifteen minutes.